a four year old’s heart

noah:  Mom, can we got back and get a zillion Havis?

me:  Where would they all sleep?

noah:  some could sleep in my bed, some could sleep in Isaac’s bed.  There’s room.

crawling

We knew it was inevitable, she had been rocking on her hands and knees for a month.  It is just hard to believe she couldn’t sit up by herself when we brought her home and now she can come and go as she pleases.  Although it does require me to be more vigilant, I love when they start crawling.  It is so fun to see what they are drawn towards.  Unfortunately for Havi it was the electrical outlet…..

final day in Ethiopia

Since we only had one room Havi, Jay and I were all up together several times at night.  Jay and I were completely amazed, however, at how resilient Gracyn was- she slept a solid 8 hours every night even with the commotion.  Havi never had a problem getting to sleep.  But, she did have a difficult time staying asleep.  Her naps in the hotel were rarely more that an hour.  She would wake up happy, want to eat, play for a bit and then be exhausted within a 90 min span.  So we spent much of the time, esp our last day, making sure she slept as much as she wanted.  Life in an Ethiopian hotel room can be viewed as extremely relaxing or borderline dull.  There was electricity sometimes.  There was a small tv in the room which boasted one channel- 24 hour BBC news.  We brought a DVD player which turned out to be broken , and, though not a great use of space, entertained us during the hours spent trying to figure out how to fix it.  Thankfully, we all brought several books.  I tried reading my first Twilight book to no avail.  I made it to chapter 10 before abandoning it for another.

Gracyn spent her time reading, or listening to me read to her.  She also made good use of the “exercise room” at the hotel.  This room was off the lobby and appeared on the hotel’s brochures as a huge selling feature, however, if you chose the hotel because of it’s cardiovascular potential you would be very disappointed.  None of the equipment worked.  This did not stop Gracyn from making it into her personal playground.  She spent hours in this room entertaining herself.  She would spread out the mats and make up dance routines she then would perform in front of the floor length mirrors or perfect parkour routes across the broken equipment.

She never once complained about the lack of kids her age, or the lack of things to do.  Only time will tell what kind of impact the sights and experiences she had in Ethiopian will have on her.  Like mine, her heart seemed to be broken for the hopelessness of the hungry kids who swarmed for handouts.  But she seemed to absorb the beauty of the people and country, too.  On our shopping day she looked intently for a scarf.  I assumed it was because she wanted to wear it as an accessory around her neck like I attempt to do occasionally at home.  But once she got it she immediately put it over her head like the Ethiopian women.  I was humbled observing her quiet study and admiration of the culture.

On our final day, Jay and two other dads in our group hired a taxi driver to take them to the government orphanage that Havi and some of the others had come from.  We were hoping to get a glimpse of what the months before her referral might have looked like.  They showed up unannounced and were graciously greeted and given a thorough tour of the facilities.  Jay was impressed with what he saw.  I am not sure what I was expecting but the orphanage appeared less institutional than I had pictured.  Like Hannah’s Hope, the kids slept in smaller rooms, each filled with beds or cribs.  Although sparse and simple it was very clean and orderly.  The director remember Havi (as Mimi) and showed Jay which bed she occupied in the 2 months she stayed there.  We also learned a little more about how dependent these orphanages are on places like Hannah’s Hope.  While Jay was there a bus arrived with two goats donated by HH to the orphanage for the Ethiopian New Year celebration.  For the kids in the orphanage, meat is a rare part of their diet so the NY celebration was a special occasion.

Back at the hotel, Almaz arrived to give each family their departing paperwork.  She gave us a large envelope and a bunch of instructions.  I was hoping Jay was listening cause I was busy watching Gracyn push the two year old twins around the lobby in strollers.  As I looked around the room at all the families we had bonded with the past 4 days I couldn’t believe our time in Ethiopia was already up.  I wondered what would become of these little souls as they made their places in new families.  Most of them would not remember their home country and have to learn through photo albums and stories about their earliest months.  I worried about how I would pass all that I saw and felt on to my daughter in the years to come.

Almaz finished up with a short request.  She asked that we not only remember the poverty of her country but the beauty of the land and its people.  She pleaded with us to pray for Ethiopia, that one day, in our lifetime, adoptions in Ethiopia would cease- that families could again come together and absorb the children who lose parents.   There were few dry eyes in the room.

We returned to our room to finish packing our belongings.  I was so excited to be on our way.  We had been unable to talk to our boys while we were gone and I wanted so badly to hold them.  I couldn’t wait to introduce Havi to our world, to put her in her bed in the room that would be hers….to get back and find our new normal.  Yet, I knew we were not leaving Ethiopia for good, God would use the trip to transform who we were.  Ethiopia and it its people were etched in our memory and we would never be the same.

Things that are harder to do with four kids than with three….

1. blogging
2. leaving the house between 9 and 11:30 am
3. finishing a sentence
4. getting through the day without being spit up on
5. keeping brightly colored toys out of sight
6. taking pictures of all the moments you don’t want to forget
7. exercising
8. going unnoticed at the grocery store
9. being spontaneous
10. making sure Isaac has shoes before arriving at church

here are some pics…..

Uncle Joel came in from Portland for a sneak peak at Havi-licious (as she has become more commonly known)....

our besties came into town with their three... always good times

Stace and I love posing our kids for pre-prom pics.

I left Havi for the first time with Stacy....

...she cried the whole time

 

 

 

 

… Adoption Sunday

Last week our church had their first “Adoption Sunday”.  Our friend and music leader, Zach Nielsen spoke on Eph. 1:3-10 and our adoption into God’s family.  Zach and Kim adopted their fourth child, Mya, from Alabama last December and have been instrumental in beginning the adoption ministry at our church.  I love that our church has a growing heart for orphan care and that so many families are feeling led to begin their own journey-what an amazing environment for our children to grow up in.

http://www.desertspringschurch.org/messages/Date/OCT_11_2009.php

things I love about fall…

Fall is one of the very best times of year.   I learned in Gracyn’s first grade science book yesterday that the trees stop sending water to their leaves because the days are getting shorter and they use up all their chlorophyll causing them to change from green to yellow, orange and red  (I love first grade science).  Whatever the reason, the change in the leaves means College Football, Dryers peppermint ice cream,  cooler weather, pumpkin spice candles, and the Balloon Fiesta.

Even though I have lived in New Mexico much of my life, I love the ABQ Balloon Fiesta.  The kids start looking forward to it in early September when we wake  Saturday and Sunday mornings to balloons sailing low above our backyard.  My cousin has come down from Denver for the Balloon Fiesta three years in a row which (I hope she realizes) makes it an official tradition.  We all piled in our car before the sun was up armed with coffee and breakfast burritos.  We sat in traffic to try to get down to the Balloon Park before the opening ceremonies but we missed the sunrise again, however, it made it a little warmer and we still got to see plenty of balloons.

We almost left Havi with my mom, thinking she would be to young to enjoy the sights- I am so glad we didn’t!  It was like a constantly changing mobile… she was enthralled the entire time.

… and she wasn’t the only one.

Yep, that’s my kids when you wake them up too early- gaping mouths and glazed eyes.  It’s a happy comatose state.

A member of the crew for one of the balloons opened up the top flap while they were inflating it and the kids got to go inside!

Havi and Cousin Ashley

Gracyn’s favorite

I didn’t realize how much Noah resembled his fav balloon until I looked back at the pics.

This was by far the most terrifying of all the special shapes….

And when you are done looking at balloons, Uncle James is always up for some wrestling.

So for all of you who missed the action, here is our open invite to come and visit first week of October next year!

glimpses

Wednesday- in Ethiopia

Many have asked me upon returning to tell them more about Addis and, at first, I felt kind of embarrassed that I didn’t have much to share.  We didn’t do much exploring of the city or country beyond which I felt was a shame.  The Ethiopian civilization is the oldest I have ever visited, rich in history, culture and heritage.  I have read enough to know there is much to be seen and explored within Addis and surrounding areas.  But truthfully, we saw very little of it.  We didn’t go to one museum, didn’t visit one historic site and didn’t step foot outside the capital city.  But the more I thought about it, the more I realized, this was not a trip focused on exploration or discovery.  This trip was about becoming a family of six- and their wasn’t room for much else.  We were painfully aware of the confusion Havi must have felt being whisked from the only home and caretakers she remembers to a hotel room of strangers.  Not only this but she was a complete stranger to us.  We wanted to soak in her personality, her movements, her tendencies.  We had been dreaming and waiting for months for this union and the furthest thing from my mind was exploring the unknown world around me.  Lord willing we will return to Ethiopia one day and visit all the places and see the sights of Addis and the surrounding countryside… but this trip was about getting a glimpse of Havi’s world.

We went to Hannah’s Hope to hang out with the kids and say goodbye to Havi’s special mothers.  It’s funny b/c before I visited HH I envisioned gathering a team to come and do a week long “shift” at the orphanage.  However, after spending just a few hours there, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt I could not spell one of these special mothers for a day let alone an entire week!  They are so gracious, so attentive, so patient and loving with each and everyone of the children in their care, it was tiring just to watch.  Several of them cried when we came to say good bye and other parents said they had the same experience.  I don’t know what kind of heart God has gifted these women with who love so deeply for a short time, kiss the babies goodbye-most likely forever, then receive a hole new batch of needy babies and do it all over again.

This is room (her bed is the one on the lower left) Havi shared with at least six other babies.

One of Havi’s sweet Special Mothers.

The view out of Havi’s window.

We brought a few things to hand out to the older kids like matchbox cars and play-dough with which we waited out a cloudburst under a three walled shelter making animal shapes and jewelery.  It was so fun to spend some time with the older kids.  If I didn’t know most if not all of the children were spoken for I would have had an extremely difficult time leaving there.  Gracyn had fun with one little girl in particular who was six years old also.  I am jealous of how easily children who can’t speak to or understand each other can find such satisfaction just being in each others company.

This is the outdoor room where the babies spend several hours each day and big the kids use when its raining.

After the rain stopped and we said all our good byes, we headed back to the hotel to do laundry (for the 3rd time) and take naps.

One of my favorite parts of the trip was the dinner Almaz arranged for us at a traditional Ethiopian restaurant Wednesday night.  We sat as a large group and enjoyed the tastes and sounds of Ethiopia.  Of course this was the one event we didn’t bring our video camera too but we have some shaky video taken with our digital camera.  Gracyn wore her new Ethiopian dress and Havi slept through most of it (the dinner didn’t start until well after 7:30).

Gracyn has worn this dress several times since we have been home.

They bring the water and soap to the table before the meal…

the spread… pretty delicious

I loved listening to the traditional Ethiopian music- it is intensely beautiful.  Both of the girls were asleep by the time the music and dancing started… apparently it is soothing as well.

embassy appointment

After getting Havi back to the hotel room we spent a lot of time getting to know each other.  Gracyn was desperate to take a bath with her sister in the “shower room.”  We put on some borrowed clothes and took turns getting her to smile.  We found out quickly that is not a difficult thing to do.  Actually it is much harder to try to keep her from smiling…  I got to feed her her first bottle which I was overjoyed to do.  It was probably the first time I feel like we connected- I held her close, put the bottle in her mouth and she instantly reached up and laid her hand on my cheek.  Are you kidding me?  It was like she had been to classes on “How to Get Your Mom to Fall Head Over Heels in Love With You in 10 Seconds or Less”.   I was so sad when the bottle was finished.  After playing with her for awhile Jay picked her up and she fell asleep in his arms.  We had been told that often little ones take a lot longer to bond with the Dads b/c they are not familiar with males.  This certainly has not been the case with Havi- she has been crazy about Jay from the start.

The next day (Tues. the 8th) was our embassy appointment.  We were all armed with bottles, pacifiers, slings of every size and color and the documentation Almaz instructed us to bring.  The sky threatened rain earlier than usual as we sat under a long awning on benches awaiting our turn.  The interior of the embassy was nothing special, several rows of chairs with a small play area in one corner.  There was a tv in the corner playing Entertainment Tonight (does wonders for the world’s view of America), and every 5 minutes they would call a last name and the family would disappear up some stairs and then return with a bunch of stamped paperwork and we would all cheer.  I am not sure why we cheered, it seemed the thing to do and it added some suspense which helped pass the time.  I don’t know what Almaz had said that caused Jay some anxiety as we sat there, but he was quite nervous as we waited for our name to be called.  I think he thought he might answer one of their questions incorrectly and they would immediately announce us unfit for parenting and confiscate Havilah on the spot.  He kept asking me “what am I suppose to say if they ask ___ ?”, I found it extremely amusing.  We were one of the last to be called and despite Jay’s concerns, made it successfully through their questioning.   We returned to the hotel and put kids down for naps happy to have another hoop out of the way.

We weren’t allowed to take any cameras to the embassy so this day is a little picture deprived.  I’ve included some pics of Havi’s favorite past time instead.

heaven

Day 3

So this day started veeeeery early.  I mentioned that we had taken a relaxing four hour nap in the hotel room on Sunday afternoon…. not a great idea.  I woke at 2:30 and laid their awake thinking about any and everything… about 30 minutes later Jay said, “can you sleep?”  We tried to lay there quietly for Gracyn’s sake then she sat up wide eyed at about 3:15.  We finally gave up around 4:00 and took showers.  We stalled as much as we could then went down to the lobby at around 5:30.  I don’t know what we did for an hour besides look longingly at the cook who got the hint and kindly brought us some coffee.

Eventually, everyone in our group made it downstairs and we all had a great time chatting, sharing stories and info about our kids.  We had heard that our schedule had been switched, usually families pick up their kids on Monday and then head out to the US embassy but since it was Labor Day in the US the embassy was closed.  The itinerary they gave us upon arrival had “meet with Almaz (AGCI Ethiopia director) at 9″, “shop and lunch at 11″ listed for Monday’s activities.  There was nothing listed about meeting or picking up our kids and there was a small amount of panic circulating around the room.  We decided we would stage a coup if Almaz planned on making us wait another 24 hours but the fears were unfounded as we learned when Almaz arrived that we would indeed see our children in just a few short minutes.  She said some important and worthwhile information, but honestly I don’t remember any of it… my head was swimming with the knowledge that I was about to hold the baby I had dreamed about for a year.

For those of you who have completed this journey, you can picture every detail of the following 30 minutes.  The giddy feeling you have waiting on the entire group to organize cameras, camcorders and spouses into a procession that will lead up a cobblestone road to Hannah’s Hope, the anxiousness, the nerves and pure excitement of it is hard to compare to any other experience.  For those of you who are waiting for this moment, it is every bit as vivid and emotional as you picture it.  We all walked together, not in a hurry but not slowly either, following Almaz 150 yards to the gate at Hannah’s Hope Orphanage.  In my mind I expected to wait there a moment, taking in the red iron gate that bears our agencies name in some sort of drum roll but we walked up and the gate was already opened and there, inside were dozens of tiny little dark faces waiting for their moment.

I had my camera ready, knowing that parents were not going to be able to capture their own “gotcha” moments, I wanted to be able to get as much as I could for other families.  The older kids were right up front and the babies were all towards the back.  As we made our way towards the rear of the complex there were babies everywhere.  Special Mothers kept bringing them out, following Almaz who was directing them to the correct parents.  I knew at any second I could be face to face with my daughter but was enjoying watching all the other families meeting their children for the first time.  (What an honor it is to be asked to be in the hospital room with a friend when they are introduced to their child for the first time…. well imagine that times NINE!)  What an amazing thing to behold.  Finally Almaz looked at us and said “Mimi,”  then turned to one of the SM who ran inside and then soon emerged with our beautiful girl.  She put her in my arms and that was it… she was home.  We were home.  It didn’t matter that we were half way across the world with literally only the clothes on our back, we had her, finally, and we were home.

the entrance to HH

Details

Here are some details of the trip- too many to record in one post so I’ll do a little at a time.  I wanted to record all the details I could remember before they fade but it might be more than you want to know….

Day 1-2

We left ABQ airport around noon and flew to Houston.  In Houston we purchased an infant ticket for the return flight (this will be significant later), and received vouchers for our overnight stay in Dubai.  We boarded the plane at 6:30.  Right before stepping into the plane the kind people of Houston International Airport wanted to save us the hassle of lifting two of our three carry-ons into the overhead bins and checked them instead.  Supposedly there is a rule on Emirates Airlines that says carry on luggage can’t exceed 15 lbs (although I saw several people with bags that looked quite a bit heavier on board, I’m over it, can  you tell?).  They assured us the bags, which contained my things and the girl’s things, would meet us at our final destination.

We flew 15 hours to Dubai- arriving sometime Saturday night and spent the night there before heading on to Addis Ababa the next day.

We arrived in the Ethiopian capital Sunday the 6th, grabbed the six donation tubs and Jay’s bag and filled out some paperwork on our missing luggage, then found Johannes (who is Almaz’s brother and the driver for Hannah’s Hope).  He took us to the hotel which seemed about 15 minutes from the airport but may have been longer since I was very distracted by all the initial sights and sounds of Addis Ababa:

First off,  I was unprepared for how green everything was- I pictured it much more brown and dusty.  We were there towards the end of the rainy season so that had some to do with it I’m sure.  It is also very mountainous.  I think they said the altitude was 8,000 + ft.  Even for us mile high people, that is some legitimate elevation.

Also, what stood out to me during the ride through the streets of Addis is the number of people everywhere.  There were sidewalks in some parts but not nearly enough to hold the masses- men, women and children spilled out onto the roads, the medians and right in the middle of traffic.  I loved watching people, wondering where they were going or even if they had a destination.  Something I knew already but was again amazed by is the beauty of the Ethiopian people.  I scanned the faces wondering if any of them resembled Havi as children.

Finally, the most painfully obvious feature of the city is the extreme poverty.  It was impossible to escape or ignore.   It wasn’t in pockets of the city, but was everywhere….  I wondered who among the multitudes had eaten that day, who had a place to lay their head that night.  Jay heard 60% unemployment from one of our drivers which I don’t think I could’ve pictured until now.  There are no government programs, no soup kitchens, no homeless shelters.  If you don’t have money to buy food and you can’t convince someone to share theirs with you, you don’t eat.  America knows nothing of this level of need.  I know nothing of this level of need.  I pray “give me this day my daily bread” without a second thought about what it might be like to not have food every day.

We arrived at the hotel, which, like most buildings in Addis, had brick walls up on all four sides and a gate.  Our hotel was great but nothing like you would ever see in the States.  There were an odd assortment of chandeliers in the lobby and a couple of leather couches in front of the desk.  Nearby, in the same room, six or so tables were set up for guests with an adjoining kitchen where most of our meals would come from.  Ten AGCI families were there that week and as far as I could tell, we were the only guests in the hotel.   The staff worked tirelessly to make sure everything was clean and comfortable.

We went up one flight to room 101, our home for the next 5 days.  There was a king size bed and a little basket next to it.  Our room overlooked the city street and the courtyard in front of the hotel.  The  room had high ceilings,  a small table and chairs, a little tv (which only aired BBC news), and a few pieces of glass furniture.  Our bathroom had the most amazing “shower” I have ever seen and, in its prime, must have been worth the rent all by itself.  After unpacking… which didn’t take very long, we took a four hour nap which felt amazingly good.  It was so surreal to feel like we were at the end of our journey, we had made it to Ethiopia, our daughter was a couple hundred yards away and we would meet her the very next day….

Johannes (left side) at the airport

our hotel

view from room 101

Here are some recent pictures….

first solids

trying to sit up